Seme's Handbook:
1. A seme must have different colored hair to his uke.
2. If you are foreign, you consider Japanese men cute and cuddly and will go to extreme lengths to turn them into your uke. This is especially true of American CEOs, exchange students, Middle Eastern princes, French patessiers, Chinese mafia hunks, Italian captains, and English nobleman with funny names.
3. The car you own is BMW, Mercedes, Porsche, or any other extra expensive make. Also, a seme`s car will defy the laws of physics by being larger inside than on the outside to allow for comfortable uke-smexing.
4. The number of dildos that any average seme omns (for his uke) would put any sex shop to shame.
5. Want to know the meaning behind your uke's words? Use your handy uke-tionary.
No, I dont want this = **** me.
Stop it = **** me.
I need to sleep = **** me.
What`s for dinner? = **** me.
6. Selective hearing is a neccessary trait in a seme. When your uke says "no", what you hear is, "Please ignore my tears, resisting, and all that jazz because, really, I want you to continue."
7. Semes will hardly ever have sex completely naked. That`s an uke thing.
8. Semes hardly ever sweat during sex. Uke, on the other hand, produce copious amounts of fluids of varyng orgins.
9. Ukes ooze pheromones. Chances are you can`t sense them, equip all possible aggressors among your undertings with gas masks just an case.
10. Regardless of what kind of seme you are, you love to talk dirty during sex.
11. Semes don`t eat cake. Ever.
12. SAS = Seme Always Swallow. Spitting out semen is for wusses.
13. Seme don`t eat uke, uke eat seme!
14. Everybody is out to rape your uke. You`ve got to protect his chastity by guarding him day and night!
15. The cure for rape = more rape. If another seme kissed, touched, or looked at your uke, get rid of his mark by replacing it with your own.
16. Rape = love. The more you love your uke, the more right you have to rape him.
17. It`s perfectly normal to be able to pin a grown man to the wall using just only one hand to grip his wrists.
18. No matter how much your uke struggles, you can always tie your uke in a compromising position in five seconds flat. If this was a contest, you`d win first place hands down (or tied).
19. Ropes materialize out of thin air. Don`t worry about stashing ropes ot ties around the house... if you`ve got your uke under you, you can just pull a rope from sub-space to tie him up.
20. Smexing your uke with his glasses on is the ultimate goal. If the uke takes off his glasses before/while you smex him, you have failed.
21.You can`t afford to smex your uke with your glasses on because if that happens, you can`t be sure if the uke loves you or the glasses.
22. You can forgive your uke for anything. It will either lead to sex (of themake-up variety) or more sex (as punishment). Either way, you win.
23. It doesn`t matter if your uke is as dumb as doorknob and irritating as hell, you still lovehim because... you`re seme and that what semes do.
24. If you can`t make your uke come just by licking his ass, you suck in bed.
25. Never let your uke do any work! It`s the uke`s job to lie on the bed, it`s YOR job to make him feel good all night. (If your uke hasn`t come at least five times, you`re doing it wrong).
26. You don`t have to think too hard for the perfect birthday present for your uke = just do him eight times in a row. On the other hand, the only acceptable present for you is your uke wearing an appron and nothing else.
27. After sex, you always wear the pajama pants.Your uke will wear the shirt, lest he wishes to tempt you again with his perky pink nipples.
Нашла любителя этих заметок Х)